That's funny... I feel a lump!

In our busy lives, time seems to meld together. You can't always remember the fine details. I'd guess is was sometime in mid February 2018 when I noticed the lump. It didn't hurt, it was just there. I won't reiterate what I thought in my previous post. Let's just say I found the lump disturbing after I caught my breath.

I had an appointment already scheduled with my primary care doctor, however it was several weeks away. So... I naturally went to Plan B. I asked my son-in-law (a Physician's Assistant) what he thought. He touched, poked and prodded and told me it was a swollen Parotid gland. A what? It's an understatement to say I'm not all that familiar with human anatomy.

It's not a big deal, he said. I mostly wanted to know if I should move up my appointment, so this made me feel a lot better. The lump was soft and with gentle pressure would reduce in size. Often the duct gets clogged, he said. He told me to eat sour things, like citrus fruits or candy and gargle salt water. That generally flushed out issues like mine. Great! It turns out I'm not going to die after all.

A few weeks and multiple bags of sour candies later (the only fun part of this story) the bump had not changed. It was still soft and when massaged seemed to drain and flatten. It was almost flat when I woke up and gradually grew as the day progressed. I just needed more time, I thought.


I pointed out the lump to my doctor at my next visit. Hmmm... says he. Oh, it's nothing, just a lymph node. There is nothing to worry about. Say what? I'm not about to argue that my son-in-law told me something entirely different. Way to get on the bad patient list. I ask a few more questions but soon realize the subject is dead. OK, I think... guess it will eventually leave the same way it came. Besides, that meant I could treat myself with more sour candy, right?

Fast forward 2 months and I'm still eating candy. This can't be good. What can I do when my doctor doesn't think I have a problem? It's the modern curse of HMO insurance. I thought back and remembered I once had an abscess on my jaw. That was another long story that I won't bore you with, but the upshot was that by the time I had seen the 7th dentist a chunk of my jaw had disintegrated from the infection. So, perhaps a dentist is the way to go? What if my jaw is slowing dissolving? Bugger! I hate health issues.